My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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