fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
