Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
