Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
