i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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