Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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