i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
