I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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