Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
