honey bunches of taint.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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