I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
a search helicopter?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
