Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
