it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
