i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
