I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
