Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
