she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
