ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
