Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
