Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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