they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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