Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
