just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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