Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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