My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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