So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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