someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
