You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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