That's intense
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
