I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
