i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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