Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
