Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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