so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
