I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
