Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
