So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
