I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
