I hope mine doesn't look like that
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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