I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
