Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
