Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
