i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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