You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
