Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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