i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
