i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
