tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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