she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
