weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
