he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my shit smells like andre
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
