Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
