What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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